do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
