Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
