so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize