Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
