Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize