My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
