Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
