my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
