i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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