Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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