My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize