Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
