8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
