you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
