I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
