If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
