Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
