He uses pillows to masturbate.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
