I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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