My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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