Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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