Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
