I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
