I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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