You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
