This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
