I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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