Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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