I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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