I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize