I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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