Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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