even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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