my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize