Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
