She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
