And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
