This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
