so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize