i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
