It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
