Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
