the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
