I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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