are you so shy because you have an std?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
