May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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