I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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