Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
