We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
