my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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