I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
