My liver just broke up with me...
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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