I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Randomize
