the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize