remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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