I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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