I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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