So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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