I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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