Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
