I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
