How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
