Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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