Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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