the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
