aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
