im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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