ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
