You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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