He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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