I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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