On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
