I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
