I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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