it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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