hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
