I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
