You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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