dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
