i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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