I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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