When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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