Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
