Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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