My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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