So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
