Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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