I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
