he thought i was a dude.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
