we have pet lesbian snakes
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
