butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
