JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Oh god it's open bar.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
