dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
