So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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