I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
