What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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