I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
