He is like the real live version of the state fair..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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