2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
