Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
