My room smells like vodka and shame
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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