when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
