so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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