i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
