Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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