Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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