I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You are a booty call, not a friend.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
