It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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