You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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