RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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