At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
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