lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize